Return From NeverLand: Love Rescues Me

Return From NeverLand

Friday, May 9, 2008

Love Rescues Me

An odd concept, is it not? That something so simple and complex as Love can save me from anything that this world can throw at me. Or so to speak. His never ending ability to love and understand me and forgive me, is something that I really feel that I don't deserve. And really I don't. Sometimes I catch myself being a bit presumptuous in that light, something that I'm sure has to do with growing up in the Church. Maybe...

I'm a horrible person. I keep and keep on falling and most of the time I don't want to be picked up. I just want to sit down here and wallow in my mud and slim, my sin. I do so crave to rise above where I am right now and leave it all behind. But I feel that heavy burden of impossibility, of having to do it all by myself. Intellectually I know that I can't, that I need Him to help me. I know this but at the same time when I ask for help its half-hearted and meaningless. You see, like I said before, I don't really want to leave my sin, its nice and comfortable, like a warm bed on a cold morning. I know eventually I have to leave it, but I'll always look at in longing in those week moments. And there I am again, assuming I have to be strong. It all just makes me want to cry.

I don't know if working nights is a good thing or a bad thing yet. It gives me all this time to sit and read, this could be bad. Maybe I should just sit and write all night. Eventually I think I would run out of things to write. Maybe I should start writing stories, I've thought about that lately. Or I could sit and read my Bible and pray and get ready for my Bible study. That would be good. Any of the above would be constructive. I want this to be a good thing and not just about making money. Not to mention learning the deal with the guys and what life skills that brings me. I need to be more patient with them.

So this last Wednesday night at church was interesting. I was to go downstairs with the Jr High, which was all well and good, except that first I had to deal with Adonia Brown. Adonia had something of a major emotional meltdown during the Drama Team's presentation of Slow Fade. Adonia said it reminded her of some past mistakes having to do with a party of her brother's, where she got drunk and how her mother kicked her, and I'm assuming, her siblings out of the house. I was actually surprised how she opened up right away and told me all about it, about what had happened.

So I sat with her and hugged her and let her cry and tried to comfort her. I don't know if anything I said had any meaning to her or helped at all, but I hope I managed to establishe some sort of relationship with her. We'll see.

I do need to keep my eye on her in the future though, because I have been warned by Robin Schow that Adonia might have these little "episodes" just because she knows it gets her attention. Which isn't surprising considering her background. So, ya know, in the future we'll try and keep it short and Spirit filled and then redirection!

Also, Laranda came down after awhile to see how Adonia was doing and I kind of wished she hadn't. I know she was just being a good friend and trying to help, but... I don't think Laranda helped at all, in fact something she said only made Adonia blow up again. Anyways after I got them to go into the Jr. High room, Adonia was all hunky dory, so that was that.

I'll try and develope a dialogue with both girls in the future. I hope this will encourage them to come to youth group more regularly. There were a couple others that I should get to know, such as, beautiful little Liz and her friend. There was also a spunky little one who complemented my earrings whose name I don't know, I should pay some attention to her.

Well, until we meet again...

posted by June @ 3:53 AM

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